It has been a while. Likely you're catching up on the last several months of blog posts (like me). I'm pretty tired. Like I've recently been through a "super scrub" cycle in a human sized washing machine. One of our student leaders for the "Angels of God" (the kids new name for our orphan support group) was beaten up by his uncle. And one of our precious 10 year old orphan girls was raped (repeatedly) by her neighbor. She was loath to tell anyone for fear of death--he had threatened her each time. Every kid in the group faces huge risks and challenges. Several face intense racism on a daily basis at school. I am left so broken after hearing these things and walking with the kids through these times. We haven't yet seen the girl since she came forward about it--I can imagine she's overwhelmed with guilt, fear, and shame.
I'm not generally smiling a lot lately. Although certain jokes may still make me laugh at times, it seems my MO has turned down a notch again. This isn't the first time, but at least this time it has an external catalyst that makes sense, not just a general funk with some internal amorphous/ambiguous cause. And if I'm not careful I think, at least this time I have someone to hate--someone to take the brunt of my dammed up rage. I am reminded that we are in a battle. And it's not against flesh and blood. And I am to go out with Praise! Reading through the OT recently I'm reminded that often going out with praise means that I'm praising God for going before me, for fighting my battles for me, for conquering the enemy. But it is oh so difficult sometimes to walk through the carnage with praise on my lips towards an invisible enemy that steals, kills and destroys--leaving such visible damage in his wake.
I'm not generally smiling a lot lately. Although certain jokes may still make me laugh at times, it seems my MO has turned down a notch again. This isn't the first time, but at least this time it has an external catalyst that makes sense, not just a general funk with some internal amorphous/ambiguous cause. And if I'm not careful I think, at least this time I have someone to hate--someone to take the brunt of my dammed up rage. I am reminded that we are in a battle. And it's not against flesh and blood. And I am to go out with Praise! Reading through the OT recently I'm reminded that often going out with praise means that I'm praising God for going before me, for fighting my battles for me, for conquering the enemy. But it is oh so difficult sometimes to walk through the carnage with praise on my lips towards an invisible enemy that steals, kills and destroys--leaving such visible damage in his wake.
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